She had no invitation, but the footmen made no move to stop her as she swept past them into the ballroom. The gold badge pinned to the collar of her dress had a lot to do with that; no one in the Empire would dare risk the consequences of angering the School.
She paused at the top of the steps and surveyed the ballroom. A hundred or more dancers moved as one, dipping and gliding across the floor, but she was only interested in one.
A few brave young gallants approached her as she crossed the dancefloor, trying their chances, risking their arm for a dance. She turned them down with the ease of a diplomat, barely pausing yet leaving no wounded feelings behind.
The prince stood at the far end of the room, at ease with his hands clasped behind his back as he chatted to a high priest. He was seemingly oblivious to the gaggle of noble young women who stood nearby fluttering their fans.
Prince Bardhren may have been second in line to the throne, but he was seen as a far better prospect by many. His easy and apparently unthinking largesse, his willingness to both speak and listen to the people made him far more popular than his strict, severe elder brother.
Still, the girl thought as she stopped a few feet away from him, that won’t be an issue for long.
She had no fan to flutter, and her dress was far plainer than those worn by the noble gaggle, but the glint of her gold badge was once again all she needed. The prince excused himself to the priest and came straight over to her.
“I did not expect the School to attend my humble gathering,” he said with a smile, “To what do we owe the pleasure?”
The girl held her hand out daintily. “The School recognises the importance of pleasure as well as duty,” she said softly.
He took her hand and she had to restrain herself from cursing out loud. He was wearing gloves! She lowered her gaze in a feigned shyness to make a closer assessment of his outfit. It was a tightly fitted, perfectly tailored suit, with not the slightest hint of bare flesh anywhere below his ruffled high collar.
“Then may I have the pleasure of a dance?”
Just like the other gallants, the prince could not resist the dangerous allure of the School, and suddenly his gloves made no difference.
“Your highness, the pleasure would be mine.”
The orchestra played Li Tarandulla, and the prince drew her close for its slow, sensual motions. He danced perfectly, and as she brushed her fingertips across his cheek she almost felt sorry for him.
“Farewell, my dear prince,” she whispered.
He smiled at her, blissfully ignorant of what had occurred between them. “So soon? I could dance with you all night.”
She lowered her eyes for a moment; a moment too long, perhaps. “I would dance with you forever, if it were in my power,” she told him as she left.
She hurried from the dance back to the towering halls of the School. Her teacher was waiting in the garden, just inside the gate.
“Teacher,” she said, catching her breath and sinking to her knees before him. “The task is done. The prince will die in less than two hours.”
He smiled. “It is well done,” he said, taking a small vial from his pocket. “Take your reward.”
She took the vial from his hand, uncorked it and swallowed the antidote in one gulp.
“Now rise a Daughter of Fate. Your lessons are done, and you are a pupil no more.”
© Kari Fay
(Author’s Note: A continuation from Wednesday’s story; clearing up some of those questions I hope!)
The Best Place By The Fire 
★ No, I don’t believe in the story. I believe the prince was a hyper super religious man and the girl fell madly in love with him since he was from no school and therefore was immune to the poison. She confessed to him she was poisionous and the prince laughed and cured her with a prayer. And God worked in her instantly and she felt the magic from the tip of her toe to her hair. Then they married and got a lot of children who all became poets and writers and priests. And the two of them became super stars in the entire world, speaking a language everyone understood. And they could afford to eat waffels and strawberries every day. That is what I believe. But then again, I believe in Derby.
(✿◠‿◠)
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That’s a little unfair on the writer, don’t you think, to completely disregard what they’ve written?
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No. I still hold the opinion you are a tremendous writer. The quality of your work is not the issue. The fate of the poor girl is.
(\ _ /)
(=’.’=)
(”)_(”) | Means are not significant |
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
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The ‘poor girl’ is an assassin who just killed a man to make up for a mistake she made prior to these stories.
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A story can easily hold different meanings for people who read it, based on their own interpretation of the events, characters and actions. That is an understandable thing, though it does rankle some authors, artists and musicians (see Sting and ‘Every Breath You Take’ as an example there. People play it as a love song, when it was written about someone stalking his wife, and has lead to him avoiding playing it).
But saying ‘I do not believe in what the author has written, and instead disregard it and will state that this has happened because it fulfils my world view better’ is to do a disservice to both the writer, and yourself as the reader.
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Did we even read the same story? You’re welcome, as the reader, to wish that a story had ended differently, that is your right. But to rewrite the entire thing, in front of the author’s eyes, whilst seeming missing the purpose of the story, seems disrespectful at the least. This is clearly not a world in which people simply fall in love and are saved by some divine force – this is a world in which people have to deal with consequences, not hand-wave them away with a Deus-Ex Machina.
In short – how is your rewriting the story at all constructive?
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I will not answer that question, Matthew Batchelor. I don’t take the story seriously as you seem to do. You justify murder.
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I think Anders is onto something here.
I think that the Prince is actually the light bringer and the message here is an that the assassin has been sent to kill the Devil, but I agree with Anders that the girl would fail. I think that Satan is too strong and I think that his mastery of deceit and encouraging of her to kill him was the real test.
I think that he was only happy with her because he loved her and now she’s his.
I think that’s really deep.
I love the idea of strawberries – very sexual! The idea of the magic filling her – Anders, you’re kinky!
I bet they were blue waffles. Blue waffles are the best 🙂
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No.
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Kari, this is a well written piece, and I believe it can go on from there. After all the girl was only carrying out her task to complete her studies. It was just too bad it didn’t work out for the prince. You write Fantasy not Fairy-tales!
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Thank you Carolyn (Sorry, I missed your comment amidst all the… well, you can see!) – this is a story I plan to continue, or possibly spin off for something to try and publish one day. (Also, I do write fairy tales sometimes- proper grim ones!)
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I believe you must make the symbols in the story much more clear. As it is now, it is difficult to read through the lines. Consider exhanging the word “poision” with “touch”. Make it clear the drop of liquid from her teacher falling on her skin was a tear. And rewrite the paragraph which begins with “He took her hand and she had to restrain …” using verbs instead of substantives to tell the reader she wants to touch him. Make it more clear the “poison” from her teacher in fact qualified her. That is the core message in the story.
But the moral of the story is that pride can and shall be a good thing. That message is, in traditional Christianity, revolutionary.
The draft you have made by the two short stories is a fantastic start to illuminate the question of pride, a question which is haunting us.
╔══╗
╚╗╔╝
╔╝(¯`v´¯)
╚══`.¸.CHRIST †
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Well, no, because it’s not a symbol, it’s not a tear, it IS poison. The girl IS an assassin, the prince IS dead, and the story has nothing to do with Christianity. As a non-Christian, I would appreciate it if you stopped trying to proselytize on my blog. Any further attempts to do so will be deleted – and usually I approve anything that’s not actually trying to sell something.
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I am sorry about that. Take care.
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Assuming you’re not a troll response:
You know Kari’s not a christian, right?
You’re looking for something and pushing interpretations that simply aren’t there.
The story is about a young girl who is part of an assassin school sent to murder a man because she fucked up on a previous job.
The poison is poison, not a tear, that’s just ridiculous.
Assuming you’re a troll response:
lol nice one.
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