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I’d been thinking about it for years. Every night I would imagine it; visualise it. See it happening before my eyes. The picture in my mind was so vivid, so real, that sometimes it felt like a memory. There were times when I could almost convince myself that it had already been done.

Of course, reality always brought those moments to a crashing halt.

Life could hardly differ from my fantasies any more than it did. I suppose it was only a matter of time until those beautiful daydreams ceased to sustain my soul and I was forced to put thought into action.

I could make excuses, were I so inclined. I was abused, lonely. I didn’t know any better. It was in my genes. It was the media’s fault.

It wouldn’t be true.

I knew that what I was doing would be seen by society as a terrible thing, that even with taking the greatest care I would no doubt one day be caught and that I would spend the rest of my life here behind bars. That did not dissuade me. I put thought into practice and finally accomplished all of my dreams and more, and I have no regrets.

You see, now they are not fantasies, not mere dreams. You may lock me away, you may throw away the key and try to forget me, but I will not forget.

Those beautiful, bloodstained memories will sustain my soul through the darkest of nights and the brightest of days.

© Kari Fay

(Author’s Note: The Three Word Wednesday prompts this week are Differ, Halt and Imagine.)

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